Why Is Life So Hard?

We have reached the middle of the calendar year. The first half of 2020 is in the review mirror. This has been a banner year to set the stage for your brain and body to feel every emotion; the good, the bad and the ugly. I have had surges of joy and have been fraught with despair.

Somehow, a reservoir of my tears, happy and sad, were held for a special occasion—an opportunity for me to open my heart and my mind and let myself feel all of the feelings. I’ve shed plenty of tears this year but none that lasted more than a 10-minute spell. My special occasion was a Sunday afternoon family movie— Disney’s Saving Mr. Banks. I think I cried through one-third of the movie.

Our Grief Waits for Us

It is easy to turn off your feelings and turn into the demands of work; the lure of a Netflix binge; and the never ending feed of social media. When upsetting news or events occur, my coping mechanism is to keep the status quo. Work doesn’t stop, projects don’t get pushed, and my focus on tasks to complete does not waver. I’ve likened it to the first stage of grief—denial. When I come up for air, the situation is still there waiting for me to address and digest.

In Saving Mr. Banks, Mrs. Travers, the author of Mary Poppins, processes feelings through flashbacks of her childhood. As a result, she further processes the grief she endured far too early in life.

Asking for Help Takes Courage

As you age, you are able to draw on your life experiences. You also increase your level of responsibility. No one wants to think they can’t handle what life hands to them. And if they have overcome an obstacle before, there seems to be no reason to ask for help. Vulnerability feels risky. And you can get disappointed if the person you trust does not act in the way you expect.

In Saving Mr. Banks, Mrs. Travers’ father turned to the wrong thing for help; alcohol. When her mother realized her children needed her, she asked for help from family. And help blew in like a windstorm.

Difficult People are Struggling with Something

You can’t throw a stone without hitting someone who has strong opinions about what is happening in the United States. Pick any topic and you can find someone to debate. Hop on the internet superhighway and watch other people fight like vultures after roadkill. People who are less open to your ideas are struggling with processing their own feelings; fear, anger, loneliness, hate.

In Saving Mr. Banks, there was no shortage of clips to show the ongoing displeasure of Mrs. Travers as she reviewed the movie script for Mary Poppins. I knew there would be a point in the movie that she let go of her need to be right and in control. That point came when Walt Disney was curious about the reason behind her displeasure; the recognition that she had an ongoing internal conflict. He reached out to Mrs. Travers in person; was vulnerable; and displayed empathy. He didn’t tell her how to feel, but that he understood and shared why he understood.

Everyone’s Life is Hard

You have a right to feel your feelings. The challenges we face are no better or worse than our neighbor; they are different. You can chose to go around them, through them or turn your back on them. As hard as it is to face your challenges, I find, in hindsight, that I experience the most satisfaction and personal growth when I go toe to toe with a life challenge.

In Saving Mr. Banks, Ralph, the personal driver for Mrs. Travers, shared that he has a child with a disability. The things he pays attention to revolve around his child’s needs. When Mrs. Travers understood the reason behind Ralph’s intrigue with the weather, she saw him as more of a person with feelings and their friendship began.

We Don’t Always Understand Ourselves

I’m not really sure how I feel about what is happening in the country. For many of the situations, I am in the bargaining stage of grief. I wrestle most with the opinions that are contrary to my own. One reason I wanted to be an attorney was I liked the challenge of conflict. Right now, I don’t feel equipped to handle all of the conflict that I see happening every day. But there may be a way. A method that serves me well when I ask of my client. A method that mediators use at the beginning of the process. Ask the person or yourself . . . what do you want to have happen? Surprisingly, the answer may not be clear. And it may also change over time so it is worth coming back to visit.

In Saving Mr. Banks, Mrs. Travers has sleepless nights because she isn’t sure why she is keeping one foot in the door of the Rehearsal Room and one on the plane back to London.

We Hold Tight to Our Beliefs

If there is one belief that I have held close during these unpredictable times is I have to keep my mind open.
I have wanted to shut out people who upset me. I have wanted to blame others for my feelings. I have wanted to relocate to a different country. Those are all emotional responses and not intellectual responses.

The best process for me to handle the unpredictable person, place or thing is to (1) Be Aware; and (2) Be Curious. Walt Disney showed both awareness and curiosity in the movie. Open your heart. Soften your heart. Care about how others feel. If you aren’t able to do this, look internally and ask what you want to happen and if you need to be asking for help with your own life challenges. You cannot care about others if you don’t care for yourself.