Posts tagged adulting
Seasonal goals

The school year is here! How in the world did that happen? Every summer seems to go faster than the one before it.

Sunrise. Sunset
I remember at the beginning of the summer, the sun came up really early in the morning. It would be completely bright out at 6:00am. And the sun wouldn’t set until after 9:00pm. I knew it was the best gift in the world to have the long days.

Summer bucket list
My goal this summer was to spend more time outside.

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When you feel overwhelmed

You make thousands of micodecisions every day.  The time you get out of bed.  The amount of cream in your coffee.  The length of your shower.  Along with microdecisions are macrodecisions. Do you get your child a tutor? Do you tell your boss you are behind on a deadline?  Do you hire an expert to do your taxes?

The combination of thousands of microdecisions and proably dozens of macrodecisions each day can build up to feelings of overwhelm.  As you age, it gets worse.  You have to pay more attention to your health and food (or feel the side effects).  You have more assets and debts to manage.  You have increased caretaking responsibilities.

Sometimes I feel overhwhelmed to the point of mental paralyzation.

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With experience comes pessimism

One battle I wage everyday is to suppress my desire to assume the worst.  As an attorney, I am trained to look for every possible scenario which includes worse case scenarios.   On a personal level, my thought pattern of choice is "catastrophizing".  I shared this with a friend and she asked "is that even a word?"  I explained what it was and she couldn't believe I thought that way most of the time.  I couldn't believe that everyone doesn't think this way most of the time.  I think pessimissm comes from experience.  Life experience.

The longer you rotate around the sun, the more you are lied to, taken advantage of, experience loss, suffer grief, lose your religion, and feel pain.  It accumulates over time.   And it wears you down.  Why should you expect the best when it might not happen?  I've realized that negative thinking has got a tight grip on me right now. 

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I don't know everything

I don’t know everything.  GASP!  And a hush settles over the crowd. 

Ok, it didn’t quite happen this way.  I did say “I don’t know everything” out loud this morning, but there was no crowd.  It was me, my husband and my 8-year old in our house.   It wasn’t a hush, rather there was no response to my statement, i.e. silence.

Today was the first time I said “I don’t know everything” out loud.  Lately, I’ve been seeking out ways to shortcut conversations with my son when he starts nitpicking at my behavior.  This morning his statement started with “mom, you said . . .”. 

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Say what you want

As I close in on the fourth decade of my life, I am tuned-in to generational differences.  My 7-year uses slang I don't understand.  Few of my GenY friends use SnapChat.  My millennial niece has to explain words like "ships".

As a parent, I am acutely aware that I am the greatest influence on how my child choses to behave.  I've heard that millennials have less capacity for resilience than generations before them.  Primarily because, as they grew up, their parents protected them from disappointment.  I can relate.  (1) I don't want to see my child sad and hurting; and (2) I don't like conflict.

I pick up my son from after school care.  It closes at 5:45 and he never wants to leave when I show up.  He sees me walk in the door and it is autopilot "grumpy face and whine".  He doesn't want to leave, regardless of the time.  

I have explained to him that it makes me sad when he reacts to me with those emotions.   His reaction also makes my stress level spike and my body goes to flight or fight mode.  I get anxious writing about it.

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