This blog post was knocking around in my head through the holiday season and resurfaced in the new year. During Christmas, there were many times I felt inadequate. How many gifts is enough? How many holiday gatherings is enough? Should I do more? Can I do more? Worry about all of these questions causes me to miss out on the joy that comes with gatherings and gifts. To abate the guilt, I wait until the 2 weeks (even 2 days) before Christmas to buy gifts so I don’t struggle with whether I am doing enough. And I participate in every gathering.

One of my personality traits is to make sure everyone is happy. I am a peacemaker and problem solver no matter where I am. I don't like people to feel uncomfortable or disregarded. I don't like to leave a situation in unrest with no plan to fix it. Trying to make sure everyone is happy comes with the disadvantage of trying to have the answer for everything and be everything to everyone.

One battle I wage everyday is to suppress my desire to assume the worst. As an attorney, I am trained to look for every possible scenario which includes worse case scenarios. On a personal level, my thought pattern of choice is "catastrophizing". I shared this with a friend and she asked "is that even a word?" I explained what it was and she couldn't believe I thought that way most of the time. I couldn't believe that everyone doesn't think this way most of the time. I think pessimism comes from experience. Life experience.