Posts tagged emotional intelligence
Hurt

When you read the word "hurt" you immediately think of a situation in your life.  In my practice, I watch people hurt.  In some situations, hurt is part of the process.  I relate "hurt" as a physical feeling to the emotion of grief.  I also relate "hurt" as an emotional feeling that can be a response to what someone else said, did, or didn't do.  

Hurt from the loss of a loved can be felt through your entire body; the physical feeling of hurt.  A hurtful statement or action can crush your spirit; the emotional feeling of hurt.

Three weeks ago, I lost one of my first labs to old age.  I hurt from the grief.  I still hurt.

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Just say ok

From the moment you wake up, you are making decisions.  Thousands of microdecisions are made everyday.  You are either taking action on a decision or processing whether or not to act.  There are likely several decisions ping-ponging around your brain at any given time.  It is exhausting.  

Every person has a process of sending a decision through several internal filters or a personal algorithm.  Those filters include your values, your desire for control and your intuition to protect yourself.

Our decision-making systems can be on overload because companies build their business to give you lots of choices.   To prove this, go into a Starbucks and listen to 10 people place an order.  Or walk down the cereal aisle at the grocery store. 

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Making a choice to do nothing

Cause and effect.  Do A and get B as a result.  That happens in very controlled environments with few external forces.

It also happens, most often, when you are using a calibrated machine to get the result.

Predictable outcomes don't happen when you have people involved.

Even if someone is suppose to do B after you do A, there is that interesting decision-making process called "free will".

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Being a peaceful person

This week my e-mails have been like no other week.  I try to follow my own rule and avoid sending out content in an e-mail that will trigger an emotional response.  I make a phone call instead or ask to schedule a meeting to talk in person if I need to cover multiple issues.  When I get an emotionally-charged e-mail, my rule is the same.  Call them to answer their questions or ask to schedule a meeting to review their questions or concerns.

I still catch myself wanting (sometimes desperately) to respond to the emotional e-mail because I can respond to the problem quicker, on my own time, have time to craft the "perfect" response and avoid an uncomfortable conversation.  Even so, sometimes I am wrong on what is and what is not an emotional-trigger e-mail; something that, to me, seemed like a status update or a discussion of procedure.  Twice this week, I was wrong.

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